Poem

poem-girl-on-the-train

The song tells the story

Is a man allowed to dream

Girl on the Train

Thank you Mum..

New Wave Reunion at the Inpoet in Heerlen Nov 16

 

Back in the 80’s EVERY New Waver throughout Holland knew of the Inpoet in Heerlen.. Not everyone was lucky enough to have visited the Inpoet, but every New Waver knew about it.

For years myself with a handful of Wavers from the Breda area would, on a regular basis make our way to the Inpoet, some of my finest memories were shaped in Heerlen.

On Nov. 16th the Inpoet will be organizing it’s 6th New Wave Reunion.

I myself will not be in Europe, ‘cos if I was I would have definitely made sure I got a ticket. I would have LOVED to meet up with the people and friends again that made the Inpoet without any doubt the BEST New Wave Venue in Holland during the 80’s

For more info mosey along to http://www.nieuwenor.nl/event/inpoet-6

 

 

 

The Cure Live in Miami through strangers Mobile Phones

 

Back in June I got my hands on some Cure tickets for the Miami Florida Concert..
Cushty!! – last time I saw the Cure was back in 1988..

Fuck Yeah I was bragging to everyone that I saw the Cure in the 80’s, however that didn’t really seem to impress anyone, all they saw was a Old Fart get excited about a concert he went to almost 30 years ago!!..

No worries I thought to myself, just wait until we are up front at Bayfront Park Amphitheater, just give me some space and I’ll be struttin’ my strut, and singing the lyrics like a stray cat on an upper!!

Back in the 80’s, if the concert was on a Friday, I would start deckin’ out on Tuesday, took 3 days to get my hair in shape, followed by numerous attempts with the eye liner, and all the other potions one needed [ even black shoe polish I remember ] and GOD help anyone if it was raining outside, I would have a nervous breakdown!! tipping on a seizure!!

Now in 2016 it took me 3 min. pair of old faded jeans and an old what happened to be Cure T-shirt!.. I looked the Dogs Bollocks, if I say so myself!

We got to Miami pretty early, so what does one do hours before going to a concert?.. Yeah exactly go to an All You Can Eat Buffet!!.. now for those reading this that have never been to the USA, an All you can eat Buffet REALLY means all you can eat.. ANYTHING!!!

So stuffed to the brim in the fuckin’ Miami heat with a 98% humidity rate, we have to stand in line to pick up our tickets… 100’s of people in front of us, and even more behind us…

Suddenly my stomach starts to feel a bit dodgy.. A build up of gas?? – Fuck, at my age there are 2 things you never trust, a Catholic Priest and a Fart!! – Gone are the days you could safely and proudly let rip, at my age that could mean gravy running down your leg!!

At this point I KNEW I was in a shitty situation [ no pun intended!]

Anyway, this is meant to be about the Cure Concert, and not my bowl movements, so let me just say, that although I cannot prove it, I easily smashed Hussain Bolts 100m sprint to the nearest porta-potty, and, again I can’t confirm it, but I think my actions forced the organizers to close down this particular porta-potty- after my use!!.. Nuff Said!!

So anyway we make it into the Amphitheater, and I’m looking around at the age group of most other people in the Amphitheater.. I have reason to believe I was the oldest by a stretch.. However in the Rings around the Amphitheater [ cheaper tickets ] were what looked like the diehards of my age. Shame I thought to myself, they probably couldn’t get tickets for up front.. Boy was I wrong!! – Now in hindsight I’m sure they were all laughing at me and telling each other to look at that sad bastard up front with the young ones!!

Why you ask yourself?… Well it took me less than 40 seconds to go from a cool zero to a life threatening 10 on the scale of having combined mental breakdown along with a seizure!!

The first song [ Open ] started playing and immediately a WALL of mobile phones went into the air!! – WTF!! – WHY would you go to a concert and stand there for in this case 2. 5 hours holding your phone in the air!!.. Just so you can go home and watch it on your 2 inch screen!! – Of course the oldies in the ring looked straight over the Wall of Mobile Phones and had a great view of the concert!!

If you look carefully you can see Robert Smith on one of the mobiles [ I think ]

If you look carefully you can see Robert Smith on one of the mobiles [ I think ]

Lessons learnt – NEVER go to an All you Eat Buffet an hour before a concert and NEVER by the tickets for up close.. 

So, if anyone ever asks me if I’ve seen The Cure, I will smile and say Yeahhh, I saw them in the 80’s!!

 

 

 

After effects of a Sealed but undelivered love letter

 

A few days ago I was looking for a photo I know i have for a client, and going through my “Box of the Past” I found a letter I had written to a girl I knew back in the 80’s – The letter was sealed, stamped and addressed to her..  Geez, I had invested 70 cents in this letter [ or probably nicked it from my parents ] so WHY did I not send this letter?

Of course I opened the letter..

It was a nice letter, what I would now see as declaring my feelings for / about her… SO, why did I never send this letter? WHY??

For what it’s worth, I was about 15 or 16, she was 15 at the time..

30 years later, I still remember this girl, I still remember the day we met, nothing happened, we met in passing, It was also the ONLY time we met, however we stayed in touch through letters / cards and the occasional phone call…

I was intriqued by this un-sent letter to say the least, so I went through ALL my stuff to find any other letters from her.. I found 12 letters and 7 cards..

By now I had completely forgotten about my client’s photo, and went off on a flashback to the days of these particular letters.

At the time I must have been very naive and “blind’ to what I was reading, ‘cos at the time I had no idea what her feelings towards me were, but reading the letters today, it’s clear we were both very fond of each other. At the time I lived near Breda, and she lived in Limburg, so not all that far from each other, yet as I mentioned we never met in person other than the initial meeting, which in it’s self was a coincedence.

One letter in particular really made me quite sad.. for the strangest reasons!!
   
In this particular letter she was telling me, that a letter from me had arrived, but she was away for the weekend, so her mother put the letter aside for her. When she arrived home, her mother said with a smile.. ” have you seen your mail?.. there is a letter from Paul” to which she jumped up excited, went up to her bedroom to read the letter, and write one back to me ..

Now I have not got a clue why,..  but reading this 30 years later made me sad, and loads of weird questions came to mind.. WHY did we never meet each other after the initial meet?. DID she deep down know my feelings for her?.. WHAT did she think of me back then? What has happened to her in the past 30 years? – And the weirdest of all,..  I was sad in a very content way, that her Mother knew my name, did this mean she spoke about me to her Mother?, which again, does that mean she did have feelings towards me?.. hahaha this is fucked up!!

To make things a lot worse, or at least for me, was that  [ as far as my detective work goes ] the last letter I received from this girl was dated 9 days AFTER my sealed letter was written, that I never sent,…

She started with.. and I quote

” Ik heb 3 weken gewacht op jou brief maar ik hoor maar niks, hopelijk ben je me niet vergeten, dat zou ik wel heel erg vinden” –

She was waiting for 3 weeks for the sealed letter that I never sent, .. the letter that I finally put my feelings and thoughts towards her to paper, I never had the nerve to send!!

WHY?.. Did I just forget to send it?.. was I scared to send it?.. Was I worried she did not feel the same towards me?..     

Sad thing is, these are all questions that I will never know the answer to, and she will never know what my true feelings were towards her..  

Today the young 15 year old girl that wrote me the letters is probably the same age as her mother was at the time, and she herself might have a daughter / son the same age she was when she wrote that letter to me.. Jayzus.. time flies, and waits for nobody!!!

 

 

On a lighter note, here is a paragraph from the Sealed Love Letter I never sent that made me laugh out loud..

” Mischien kan ik binnenkoort ‘n keer naar —— komen, en we kunnen samen naar ‘n romantische Chinees restaurant gaan, ik weet niet hoveel dat kost, maar als ‘t duur is dan kunnen we wel de rekening delen.. “

Haha.. WHO said romance is dead!!… If this hadn’t made her fall in love with me, then nothing would have!!! … gotta luv it

 

1986 – two young and innocent kids meet on a train while exploring the country by “Tiener Tour”

 

FOLLOW UP

 

I really felt a bit down and sad for a couple of days especially after finding out that at the time the girl I did care for waited for 3 weeks for me to reply to her last letter.. I know she would have really appreciated my unsent letter, AND, let’s be honest it might well have changed history.. 😉

The easiest thing for me to have done, is to have put all the letters back into the box, and put the box back into storage.. which, if I’m honest I would have done if I had not read all the other letters and cards she had sent to me, and especially what I think is the last letter I received from her. Now when I read that letter, I can actually feel how upset, disappointed and let down she was by me.. And that was the last thing I wanted her to feel!! 

I also had a problem with the fact that I do not know why my  letter never got sent.. It’s clear to me that I wanted her to know my true feelings, and I wanted us meet up again.

The letter was sealed addressed and stamped, I would not have done that, and then change my mind, so I like to think and hope that I really did assume that the letter was sent.. but maybe that’s the cowards way out, trying to make myself feel better.

I decided to try and find the girl, or by now a middle aged lady in question, luckily for me I did manage to find a contact email, however there was no way of knowing if it was her, or just someone else with the same name. At this point I got stage freight and started to think twice about what I was doing. I bought this issue up one evening with some friends, and they ALL said I would feel a lot better if I got it off my chest.. Great I thought.. BUT then they followed through by saying ” Anyway, there is no way she’s going to remember you, she was just 15!.. WTF! – Now I started to picture me contacting a now 43ish year old lady who probably wouldn’t even know who I was with a story about a sealed Love Letter.. haha, that will go down like a lead balloon… So I dropped the whole thing and carried on with other things,..  completely forgetting about the letter… for a whole 20 min.!!!

I was sat in an airport terminal, I wrote a short email asking if she was —– ——- a New Waver in the 80’s..

[I wanted to at least make sure I had the right person] with a short story without giving anything away.. I sat there for 5 min. staring at my screen, And it was like a special effects movie.. I closed my eyes and quickly pressed the “Send” button.. No turning back now..

I felt relieved, started walking to my departure gate when I got a “New Mail” notification.. haha. she did not come clean as to if she was or wasn’t the 80’s New Waver I was looking for, instead she wanted to know my REAL name [ I used a nickname ] … SHIT, I have a plane leaving in 5 min. do I, after 30 years keep it very short and give her my real name, followed by sorry gotta go!!.. OR do I ignore her reply and wait until I am at my destination and have more time to reply properly, which would be about 2 days!!… I opted for the first option, and came clean who I was, just not WHY I was looking for her.. for this she would have to wait 2 days.

I was very relieved that she did remember my name. [ She might have used the 2 days to figure out who I was back then.. OR haha, she might think I’m someone else…]

I am very glad I went ahead with this, I now know that the young lady in question has done very well for herself, and she is content and happy with her life..